Love And Happiness

Robert Tkotch, a physicist and astrologer, wrote on his site (http://www.starcenter.com), “Do you know, O restless wandering one, that if you love not you live in vain?” A man named Max, with a wealth of psychological knowledge, responded, “Or not.”

On this matter Max was right. There are many valid reasons to live besides love, and there are many people who live happily without love. Having a loving companion can most certainly be a source of great happiness; but there are other sources of happiness and meaning.

One song that has been playing since about 2006 says, “you got a reason to live, say I don't want to be in love.” I most certainly am not coercing people to be in love. However when love does happen, it should be supported rather than attacked. And in my experience most of the relationships that I had got attacked.

Of course we have seen people deciding that love was wrong for one or another reason. Some claim that it is a patriarchial racket, or narcissism, or “search for external validation.” It is not such thing. Love is not about what you feel about yourself. Love is about what you feel about the other person. I can validate myself all day long. That does not change what I feel for the people I love.

Would narcissism lead one to abandon a very nice setup in America to move to Australia to be with a woman he loves? Would narcissism lead one to write a poetry book for a woman? These claims are completely wrong; and they have had a deleterious effect on society.

The World War II generation tended to make matches that started with love. For the most part they lead successful lives. The baby boomers, in likewise believing in love, did not believe anything unrealistic. Their problem was that they expected of their partners ridiculous things; and people who expect ridiculous things are likely to be disappointed.

So then we had Generation X going on against love. As they themselves had relationships, many of them started to love their partners. Many of them ended up having successful relationships. They did not start out believing in love; but they ended up making it happen.

When I was at the university, the thought on the campus was very much anti-love. I ended up fighting that state of affairs, both there and elsewhere. Not everything that I did in the process was right; but then I was 17. In my adult life I had very genuine and passionate relationships. And out of them, besides happiness that I experienced, came poetry that has been well received in many places.

So that while love is not the only possible source of meaning and happiness, it is one such source. People should be allowed such a thing, and it should not be misconstrued. I want more people to have the kinds of experiences that I have had. It would greatly enrich their lives. And it would also make things better for other people.