The Abuse Game

I am writing here about a game that I have seen played by many people in a number of situations.

The partner – typically the man, although sometimes this is done by women – decides that the other partner is a bad person. This justifies him in treating her like dirt. Why is this a game?

Quite simply because, if the partner really was a bad person, then one couldn't wait to leave her. But not only do people in such situations not leave, but they do what they can to keep the partner from leaving.

That is because, whatever they think about the partner's character, they are getting things out of the relationships. They get companionship. They get sex. They get children. They get a clean house. They get another source of income or in some cases the only source of income. Their belief that the partner is bad justifies them in not only failing to reward the partner for what they are getting from her, but to treat her like dirt even as he does what he can to keep the partner from leaving.

What we are getting here, really, is theft. One gets many things out of the relationship without rewarding the partner for what he gets from her. And thieves have no business using moral arguments.

I want more people to see through this kind of behavior. Once again, if the partner really was bad, then one could not wait to leave her. That they instead choose to stay in the relationship is because thye are getting things out of the relationship. And if you get things out of the relationship, you better reward the partner for what you are getting from her. Anything else is a game and a theft.

If you are at the receiving end of this kind of behavior: See through it. If the partner starts using moral arguments, turn it around on them and show them that what they are doing is a game and a theft. For as long as they are getting things out of the relationship they are obligated to behave rightfully; and if they truly think that you are a bad person, invite them to leave.