Relationships And Exploitation

Before my former wife Melanie was with me, she was with a man whose name starts with B. Some people saw him as a loser; but I do not see him as a loser. I see him as something much worse than a loser. I see him as an exploiter. He was with a wonderful woman who gave him everything he possibly could have wanted. And instead of appreciating and rewarding her for everything that she was doing for him, all he could think of doing was beating up on her and the children and going around backstabbing her to everyone.

When my relationship with Melanie broke down, B. attempted to get me on his side. I ended up deciding instead to side with Melanie. My choice was not based on “lust” or on self-interest. Neither of the preceding was served by the situation. My choice was based on rational assayment of what both parties were doing.

Yes, Melanie does have a temper; and yes, sometimes Melanie says angry things. But then she thinks things through and comes up with a rational and compassionate solution. This is not a bad person. This is a very good person. And if I, as someone whom she has left, can say this, then so should anyone else.

At the church, the priest asked what is the meaning of “agape” love. I said that it is doing the right thing by the other person, whether or not it works for you. This is how I am choosing to approach this situation. Unlike any number of other women out there, Melanie has decency; and she has recognized the value of this approach.

Now B. had many arguments to claim that Melanie was a bad person. My response to that is that if you are getting things of value out of a relationship, you are obligated to be good to the other person whatever you think their personality to be. If you think that your woman is bad, then do not be with her. Find someone whom you can respect. And if you are getting things out of the relationship – and he got tons – then you are obligated to be good to your partner whatever you think of her character. Anything else is theft.

I am sick and tired of people thinking badly of the partners from whom they are getting things of value from being with them. If you think that your partner is a bad person, then by all means leave her. And if you are getting things of value from being with your partner, then you are obligated to treat your partner right.

Once again, I am not driven in this by either “lust” or self-interest. Neither of these are being met in the present situation. I am driven in this by the sense of fairness and righteousness. Here is a woman who did absolutely everything in her power to give her man the life that he wanted. And instead of rewarding her accordingly, he insisted on beating down on her and backstabbing her to other people.

I want more people to see through this kind of behavior. I want more people to see the dishonesty at its core. I want to see more people recognize when someone is being exploited. And I want more people to do thing about such a thing.

So if you are being exploited, as was Melanie, the solution is to call the partner's bluff. It is to say things to the effect of, If I am so bad then why the fuck are you with me? And it is for other people to avoid similar situations, so that they do not have to suffer what Melanie suffered after she left B.