Insecurity And Domestic Violence

Once there lived a great man named Julius Nyerere. He was the president of Tanzania; and while most other African leaders were spending their time in office conducting civil wars or enriching themselves at the expense of their people, Nyerere worked hard to create the most peaceful, stable and socially responsible country in Africa.

Nyerere had a son who was nothing like him. He was an asshole. Julius Nyerere's son married a woman named Leticia, who was running a printing press in Tanzania. Leticia was beautiful and intelligent. She came from the country, and she got higher education in the former Soviet Union. The man however was violent and abusive. So Leticia was finally able to flee with her children to the United States, where she worked as an accountant. Leticia and I became good friends, and at her request I wrote her biography in poetry. Then she went back to Tanzania, where she became a member of the parliament. Eventually she died at a young age from causes I do not know.

Julius Nyerere liked Leticia, and he told her that his son was insecure. Now many people blame men's insecurity for things such as domestic violence; however I do not believe that cause to be correct. I do not consider myself an especially secure person, but I was never violent to women in my life. So I do not see Julius Nyerere's explanation for his son's behavior as valid.

Instead it appears to be an issue of ethics rather than psychology. Some people think that they are justified in beating their wives. My former wife's father is a successful businessman and does not have reasons for being insecure; however he used to beat her mother and told her boyfriend that it was OK to hit her. I find that behavior to be despicable. This is not the right way to treat one's daughter.

Now some people in America have seized on that and been attacking people whom they regarded to be losers or insecure. As if those men weren't suffering enough already. Meanwhile they have been going for people such as Rob Porter, who most definitely is not a loser. And from these men these women learned what actual reasons there are for domestic violence.

I used to be with a magnificent artist named Julia. Her former husband was a millionaire, but he was severely violent toward her. Once again, this is not a loser, a sociopath or anything of the sort. This is a man who has bad values.

This goes on and on. Some people decide that it's the people who have been bullied in school or at home that are the problem. They call them such things as sociopaths and narcissists. Meanwhile they have created an unbelievably cruel culture in which they portray anyone who is not like them as losers and freaks. This is beyond hypocrisy. This is people believing a Big Lie. Their entire perceptions are completely wrong. Not only that, they are precisely wrong. Precisely the wrong people get rewarded, and precisely the wrong people get attacked.

So we are seeing here a precise inversion of reality. We are seeing here reward for precisely the wrong people and attack against precisely the wrong people. I took a strong stance against domestic violence – at huge emotional expense to myself - since I was 3; but these people have accused me of being a misogynist. Once again, this is beyond hypocrisy.

Why would Rob Porter or Julius Nyerere's son or Julia's ex-husband not be confronted on their wrongful behavior, while all sorts of innocent men are mistreated? Probably the people who have these beliefs do not have the guts. It is much easier to take it out on young men nearest the liberal centers of learning and culture who are the least misogynistic men out there than confront real abusers. And so we are seeing these self-proclaimed feminists be vicious to all sorts of innocent men while submitting to real abusers.

Is the reason for these men's behavior insecurity? No, it is bad ethics. Even an insecure man is capable of self-control. And the solution is not to attack the men whom they regard to be insecure, but to have the courage and will to confront real abusers, however powerful they may be.