Religion Of Selfishness

One of the most misguided statements I've heard came from a brilliant young woman who said that if she cannot live for herself then she cannot live. This is beyond wrong. There are many valid reasons to live besides yourself. You can live for your family. You can live for your country. You can live for God or for a cause. People should not be kept from living for these things, nor should they be coerced into living for themselves.

A related claim is that, unless you have high self-esteem, you have nothing to offer others. Also completely untrue. There are many things that one stands to offer whatever his level of self-esteem. In my case, I've had to offer passion, affection, financial grounding and making the other person's concerns my own, which I then put vast energy into addressing. Self-esteem has nothing to do with it one way or another.

Then there are claims such as that love is a search for external validation. It is about no such thing. It is not about what you feel about yourself; it is about what you feel about the other person. Ayn Rand said, “Before one can say I love you one first has to say the I.” Completely wrong as well. It is once again unrelated to how one feels about himself. It is about the other person, not about yourself.

Now supporting selfishness is bad enough; but it is much worse to make a religion of it and to persecute all other ways. If a naturally altruistic, brilliant woman gets it drilled into her head that she needs to live for herself, that is beyond wrong. She should instead be encouraged to live for others. Doing which, as I have myself experienced, can be highly fulfilling and also do wonders for one's self-esteem.

So it is time that these wrongful attitudes be challenged and confronted. You do not have to live for yourself, nor is it necessary to work on self-esteem. You can live for whatever it is that you find meaningful. And then self-esteem and other goodies will follow.