Abuse, Neglect and Family Values

A question that has been on my mind quite a lot is, What is worse – abuse or neglect?

People whose parents abused them grow up to both hate and love their parents. People whose parents left them appear to have nothing toward their parents but hate. Jim Morrison wrote songs about wanting to kill his father, but Eminem wrote songs about wanting to kill his mother, and Everclear wrote a very passionately father-hating song (“Father of Mine”) about the father who left him and his family when he was a child.

What is worse: Abuse or neglect? I do not know at this time which one it is. In my own situation I've made great effort to avoid both; and my daughter loves me and is a very happy child.

Now many single mothers get all sorts of flak for it. In many situations it was not their fault. If a man is afraid of responsibility and refuses to take care of the child, then the woman is not at fault for it; he is. I once ran into a man who called himself a “producer” because he “produced” 8 different children by 8 different mothers. The women whom he had impregnated do not deserve to be blamed for his misconduct. He deserves to be blamed for his misconduct.

I come from a Jewish culture, and in the Jewish culture it would be unthinkable for a man not to take care of his children. The conservatives do not own family values. Many Jewish people are liberal; but they are at least as family-oriented as are the conservatives.

Who is worse: The father who beats or rapes his children or the father who leaves them? At this point I simply do not know. What I do know is that I for myself refuse to do either of the above; and that for as long as I have anything to do with it my daughter will grow up without either abuse or neglect.