Feminism and Family

There are some who see the nuclear family as the best social arrangement ever invented; and there are others who see it as a patriarchial institution designed to oppress women.

It can be both, either, or neither.

The family is as good as what goes on inside of it. If the parents and children get along, family is a beautiful thing. If the parents and children do not get along, it is hell.

For a long time for me family was a dirty word. I changed my mind on the subject when I myself had a daughter. She and I enjoy a very close and very loving relationship, and she is the best thing that ever happened to me.

I want what exists between me and my daughter to be a reality for more families. And this requires the parents to deliberately choose to be loving to their children – and, if they don't know how to do that, there need to be resources to help them learn.

Some in feminism militate against the nuclear family and refer to married women as “breeders.” This sells short the majority of women. Most women will want to have children; most women will want to have families. Feminism would do much more for the women by working to make family life a better experience for them rather than teaching them to avoid marriage and children.

How is that to be done? On the part of men of conscience, it is by teaching other men gentlemanly behavior. On the part of women, it is by having goodwill toward their spouses. Both violence by men and nastiness by women should be confronted. Instead people should be inspired toward compassion and wisdom.

The best parents, I found, are ones who remember their childhood. They can empathize with the child and understand the child's concerns. Whether they come from good backgrounds or from bad backgrounds, they themselves do a lot for their children. Their children grow up to love them and be their best friends for life.

Family should be neither coerced nor avoided. Instead family needs to become a better experience for both the children and the parents. This requires knowledge and effort. The results however, as I've found out, are more than worth it. Family can indeed be a beautiful thing – if people choose to make it so.