Sunday, March 05, 2017

Narcissism and Parenting

According to a friend of mine – who at her request does not want to be named – her mother had the narcissistic personality disorder.

According to a site that she sent to me, the narcissistic parent sees the children as the extension of herself.

There have been any number of people who accused me of being a narcissist; but I do not treat my daughter in any such a way. She is very different from me, and most of these differences are positive ones. When I was a child I was very unhappy; she has always been very happy. When I was a child I hated taking baths and did not care what I looked like. She has been a fashion princess since she was 3 years old.

This leaves us with two possible outcomes. Either I am not a narcissist, or the narcissistic personality disorder is a lie to inflict upon the population.

I have a friend who is a professor, who told me once that the solution is not to have children of one's own but to influence other people's children. This is the reason why so many Americans hate the academia. The question he failed to ask is, Would people be happy with him influencing their children against them? Would they continue funding and supporting you? Or will they see you as a menace from which to protect their kids?

I have no interest at all in the battle between business and academic interests. Both can go right, and both can go very badly wrong. The real solution is for both to know their place. Academia is there to do research and to educate people. Business is there to produce prosperity.

I want to see a peaceful and mutually beneficial co-operation to take place with both. Neither the business nor the academia is good or bad. Both are capable of both. That is because anything that people have is based in choice. And anything capable of choice can do either right or wrong.

I do not believe that it will ever be possible to get rid of arrogance. It can however be confronted. We see arrogance in the academia when they decide that they understand all things and that nobody else does. We see arrogance in business when they decide that they create prosperity and that nobody else has had a role in creating their prosperity. We see arrogance in religious people who decide that they follow God and that nobody else does.

And we of course see arrogance as well in psychology when the people practicing it decide that they are the only sane people in the world.

Knowing what other people do not know may very well lead to arrogance. This is the case regardless of the beliefs that are being held. There are many religious people who believe that they are better than others because they are being true to God. There are many “skeptics” and suchlike who believe that they are better than other because they do not buy into religion or spirituality. In all of these cases we see arrogance; and I do not see one as being better than the other.

Certainly the children who are raised by people who care only about themselves can wind up in a bad situation. But then again this is not limited to such backgrounds. If someone cares about Islam or Nazism and about nothing else, then he will be a bad parent. This is in no way limited to narcissism. This happens all around the world.

If I, who have been portrayed as badly as I have been, can be a good parent, then so can any other parent, regardless of whether or not they have the narcissistic personality disorder. The real solution is to love the child and be completely dedicated to her well-being. This can be done by anyone, regardless of their psychology; and if I can do it then so can any other man.


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